hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize