I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
