Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize