I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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