i don't plan on having that self control this summer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
