9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
