It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
