If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
