if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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