I just cut my nipple shaving
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
