So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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