new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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