Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize