i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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