can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
