My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
