But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
