My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You made out with two different species that night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
