I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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