Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
