if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
