apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
