blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
