12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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