And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
