I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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