I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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