So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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