"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
