You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
