i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
