And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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