i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
