we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
