People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize