You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
