I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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