Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
