i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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