Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she peed on how many people?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
