So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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