The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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