we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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