I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
