Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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