Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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