There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
