I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
