But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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