I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
