New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to calm my uterus...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
