this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize