we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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