Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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