She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
