Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
