Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
