She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
