Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
