He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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