i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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