It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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