I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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