R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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