why do cheetos always look like penises
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
