Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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