real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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