im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So apparently I’m into choking now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
