She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
