I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
