you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
