what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
