No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize