i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
