i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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