Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
