i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
