i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
