We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
