I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
