Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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