I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
