I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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