Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
