im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize