I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
