May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
