I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
