um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
