Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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