I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
