im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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