Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
