awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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