Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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