I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
