You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
