i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
