everyone is single if you try hard enough
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
