After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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