Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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