Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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