Can i not drive my cunt home
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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