I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
