It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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