i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
