you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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